Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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