Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
