So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Green mimosas i think yes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
