I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
