My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
