I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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