I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
