I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
