i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
