This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
