I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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