Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
