youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Hippo gnu deer
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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