so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
