I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
