I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
