you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
