plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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