what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
