I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
