He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
