Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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