pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
