new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
