Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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