My room smells like vodka and shame
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
