i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
