I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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