He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
