I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
