You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
