after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
