My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
