butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
