I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
