After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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