____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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