Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
