Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
