Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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