3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
