About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
