you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
