You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
