We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
