if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
