She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
