Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
