So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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