she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
