Your mouth is God's brothel.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
