Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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