i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
