Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
