Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
