it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
