then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
